Broken Trust
by Sarah197
Summary: Michaela is raped a few months before her wedding. How will she deal with her emotions and insecureties? I'm a Dutch girl and this is my first story, so please review!
1. Chapter 1

It had been very busy at the clinic during the day, so Michaela decided that she would have to go there after dinner in order to do some cleaning. Sully had said that he would look after the children and now she was on her way.

After a good hour of cleaning, someone knocked on the door. Dorothy had said that she might stop by to drink some tea, so she opened it without hesitating. The hard push with which she was forced back into the clinic took her by surprise, causing her to fall backwards. She opened her mouth to scream, but the man stuffed a handkerchief in it. He was already tying her hands on her desk, while sitting on her legs to keep them down and threatening her with a large knife to keep quiet.

Knowing that there was not much she could do except hope that someone had seen what had happened she began to cry. She didn't want to because she didn't want him to have that satisfaction, but her fear was too great. Her blouse and camisole were ripped open, causing her cheeks to burn with embarrassment. No man had ever seen her like this. Sully had wanted to touch her sometimes, but he'd always respected the fact that she wasn't comfortable with that. The man who was currently touching her didn't show her any respect. He roughly squeezed and kneaded her most private parts; it made her nauseous.

She decided to close her eyes and pray that someone would come and help her. Her skirt was pulled upwards and her bloomers downwards. She could feel him lowering his trousers and a moment later he roughly entered her. She didn't think she had ever felt anything so painful and the pain increased with each thrust. The man groaned loudly and she felt warmth inside of her. Knowing what had just happened and what could be the consequence of it, her tears only fell faster. The man pulled out of her, and seconds later, he was gone.

* * *

Sully was getting worried. Michaela had said that she'd be home before ten, but it was already twenty minutes past ten by now. Matthew had just gone to bed and Colleen and Brian were already sleeping for a few hours.

Deciding that he had waited long enough, he went to the barn to wake Matthew and tell him to wait in the house until he would be back. Quickly mounting his horse and riding of in the dark, he hoped that nothing bad had happened. When he arrived at the clinic he saw that her wagon was still there. He opened the door of the clinic and immediately understood what had happened.

Michaela, his beloved fiancée, lay there on the ground, her blouse and camisole torn and her hands tied. Her lower body was also exposed and looked bruised. Blood was on the floor beneath her. Choking back tears he closed the door behind him and kneeled beside her. It was then that he saw that a handkerchief was stuffed into her mouth. He gently pulled it out and immediately she began to sob forcefully. Sully cut the ropes that tied her hands and then tenderly lifted her into his lap. 'Sully,' she cried and the sound of her usually strong voice broke his heart. 'I'm here. I'm here…You're safe now.'

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_I know that this is just a short chapter, but I wanted to know what you think of it first._

_The more reviews, the sooner I'll update..._


	2. Chapter 2

Sully held her for about ten minutes, gently rocking her in his arms until Michaela had calmed down enough to relax in his embrace. However, when he tried to slip his arm away from its position underneath her, she clung to him and started crying anew. Feeling guilty for upsetting her, he stood up with her cradled in his arms. Gently placing her on the examination table, he made sure not to break physical contact with her while wrapping the sheet that lay on it around her.

'Michaela,' he spoke tenderly, trying to get eye contact with her. Her eyes were brimmed with tears when she opened them. His heart ached at the sight, but he knew that he had to be strong for her. She needed his strength right now. He could clearly see the fear in her eyes.

'Michaela, it's all right, I'm here.' He bent down to ever so gently kiss her forehead. 'What happened?' he asked softly, not wanting her to keep it all bottled up inside of her. She just shook her head, indicating that she didn't want to talk about it.

'I'm going to get some help…,' he started to say, but she interrupted him. 'No!' she cried forcefully. 'Don't leave me. Please don't.' She clung to him even tighter and he knew that he couldn't leave her like this. 'All right, I won't leave you.'

He lifted her in his arms again, the sheet still around her. Deciding that it would be best to go to Loren and Dorothy he exited the clinic and headed over to the store. Through the windows her could see that someone was still awake and when he knocked on the door, he immediately heard Loren's voice nagging about who knocked on his door at this hour.

The door opened and Sully saw the expression on Loren's face change from irritated to worried. 'Loren,' he began to say, 'I want you to send Dorothy to the clinic and get someone to ride out to the homestead and take the children to town.' 'What's wrong with her?' Loren asked after he'd nodded. Sully swallowed hard. 'Someone…attacked her.'

* * *

As soon as they entered the clinic, Sully carried her straight up to one of the recovery rooms. By now she realised her state of undress and she held on tight to the sheet. Sully must have noticed, because he carefully spread a blanket around her once he'd laid her on the bed. He sat down close to her, gently stroking her hair and she knew that despite what had happened to her she was blessed to have such a caring man.

But then a disturbing thought crossed her mind. _Would Sully still love her and would he still want to marry her? _She didn't have the opportunity to think about that much longer, because she could hear someone climbing the stairs. She immediately tensed, but Sully squeezed her hand to indicate that nothing bad was happening.

Moments later, Dorothy stepped into the room, her red hair in a long braid over her shoulder. 'Oh Michaela, I'm so sorry about this. If I would've come to drink tea with you…' Michaela's voice cracked when she interrupted her and it almost sounded like a whisper. 'Don't blame yourself, Dorothy. No one is to blame for this.' She wasn't totally sure if she really meant that, but she didn't have the energy to deal with a matter like that now.

Then Sully spoke up. 'Dorothy, I think it would be wise if you'd wash her up and put a nightgown on her.' 'Of course I will,' she immediately answered and she left the room to get the things she would need. 'You said you wouldn't leave me,' Michaela's voice was soft when she spoke the words. Sully looked back at her. 'I won't leave you, I'll be right outside. You just have to say my name and I'll be at your side, okay?' He bend down and gave her a gentle hug.

Dorothy returned with in her arms a nightgown, a washcloth, a towel and a bowl filled with water. She motioned for Sully to leave the room and took the blanket and sheet of Michaela. She was visibly shaken at the sight of her bruised body and then gently began to take her clothing, or what was left of it of her. Despite Dorothy's gentleness tears slipped down her cheeks when she was reminded of her attacker's touch.

Dorothy stopped with what she was doing and asked softly: 'Michaela, do you want me to stop?' She quickly shook her head, knowing that it would be useless to postpone the moment of truth. While Dorothy resumed her task of undressing her, she could feel which parts of her body were bruised.

Her shoulder ached from the fall she took and her legs hurt because he'd sat on them and her upper body was sore because of… Her tears fell faster while Dorothy gently washed her body. She wanted her to wash more firmly, to rub of all the invisible dirt from his touch, but instead of saying anything, she closed her eyes and waited for Dorothy to finish.

A few minutes later, she was wearing her clean nightgown and was laying under the covers. 'Do you want me to get Sully for you?' Dorothy asked her. She only nodded, not able to say anything. There was something she wanted to ask him and she was thinking about how to do it. Moments later, Sully was by her side, his eyes full of concern. 'You okay?' his voice was hoarse. She nodded briefly and noticed that he was holding back tears. Sully hardly ever cried but now he had trouble keeping his emotions in check because someone had hurt her.

'Sully?' 'Yeah?' he answered while gently wiping her tears away with his thumbs. 'Will you still…', she swallowed hard, 'will you still marry me now that I'm no longer…' His finger on her lips interrupted her. 'Of course I will.' She gave him a tearful smile, but then another thought crossed her mind. 'Even when I'm…' she couldn't bring herself to say the word. 'Even then.' His lips gently kissed her cheek before he sat in the chair that stood next to the bed. He tenderly held her hand and whispered: 'Sleep now, Michaela, I'll be here when you wake up.'

* * *

He noticed that she was finally sleeping peacefully after she'd tossed and turned for the past two hours. He wasn't feeling like sleeping; his mind was too preoccupied for that. He had to find the man who had done this to her, the man who had taken such a precious thing from her, the man who had broken her trust.

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_Thank you for all the positive reactions I've received! (Keep them going...)_


	3. Chapter 3

She awoke with a start, covered in sweat and panting forcefully. Sully was at her side instantly, reassuringly rubbing her back and telling her that she was safe. The relief of knowing that it had been a dream, was so great that she burst into tears.

Sully lifted her in his arms as if she was a baby and sat down with her in his lap. 'Tell me what happened,' he requested gently. Still sobbing occasionally she told him. She told him about how she thought the person who knocked was Dorothy, about falling backwards, about the knife and his rough hands.

When she was done, she looked at his face and was surprised to see tears running down his cheeks. She tenderly wiped them away and he did the same with her own tears.

'Michaela, I'm going after him,' he told her after he'd composed himself. When she opened her mouth to protest, he suddenly lifted her and laid her back on the bed. Then he began to speak again and this time she didn't interrupt him.

'That man took something from you, something that meant a lot to you, I know it did. And I promised myself long ago that I'd protect you, that I wouldn't let anything like that happen to you. It did happen and I wasn't able to prevent it, for which I'll blame myself the rest of my life. There is one thing that I can do: make that monster pay for what he did to the person I love more than anything. If you don't want me to go, I won't.' He paused to take a deep breath. 'Will you let me go?'

After his heartfelt admission, all she could do was nod. She didn't want him to leave her, but she knew how much this meant to him. He bent down to kiss her forehead and cheek and to cradle her head in his hand.

They both allowed their unshed tears to come and they cried together for a few minutes. She held on to his back, not willing to let him go. When his hand slid across her shoulder, she couldn't help but wince as pain shot through her.

He pulled back from their embrace. 'I'm sorry, did I hurt you?' 'It's just a little sore,' she answered dismissively. His hand reached out in order to pull the fabric of her nightgown down her shoulder to see the damage. 'No!' She clung to her gown and her eyes grew wide with fear. 'Shh,' he gently soothed her, 'you don't have to show me.'

He covered her with the blanket and stroked her hair. 'Try to get some sleep, okay?' 'You'll leave right now, won't you?' She already knew the answer before he nodded.

'Can you tell me what he looks like?' She bit her lip, not wanting to remember the horrible moments, but not able to think about anything else. Her voice trembled when she answered: 'He was tall and heavy, with dark hair and eyes. About forty years old.' Sully gave her a small nod, stroked her hair and face once more and then rose from the bed. 'I'll get Dorothy to sit with you.' With that, he exited her room and left.

* * *

When she woke up in the morning, she could see the first sunbeams shining in her room and was surprised that she had been able to sleep this much after the dramatic events of the past evening. She then saw that the chair next to her bed was empty, and hearing the voices outside of the room explained why.

'You can't come in here right now,' Dorothy explained in a gentle voice. 'Why not?' Brian asked innocently. Before Dorothy could respond to the little boy's question, she spoke up: 'Come in, children. I'm awake!'

Immediately, Matthew, Colleen and Brian walked in. She held out her hands, ignoring the pain in her shoulder, feeling the need to touch them and make sure that they were alright.

'Ma…' Brian's voice sounded so frightened that it brought tears in her eyes. Not wanting him to see them, she pulled him in her arms. 'I'm okay, Brian. Everything is going to be okay.'

'What happened?' Matthew asked, a frown of concern between his brows, while Colleen's eyes confirmed that she had the same question. She knew that she should tell Matthew and Colleen, but she didn't want Brian to know the details of what she had allowed that monster to do.

Carefully phrasing her answer, she told them: 'A man knocked on the door last night and when I opened it, he hit me and… hurt me. But Sully found me and he's gone after him.'

She could see Matthew's eyes widen when realization dawned upon him and the way Colleen grasped her hand told her that she understood as well. 'Come along now, children. Your ma needs rest.' Michaela was glad for the interruption, because she couldn't prevent her tears from rolling down her cheeks any longer.

* * *

Sully was on his way back to town. After about three hours of searching, he'd found the man. He obviously didn't have any knowledge about the woods, because he'd chosen a place to sleep where people could see him from all sides. He was also snoring loudly, so people could hear him from all sides as well.

Before he'd found him, Sully hadn't yet decided whether he should kill him or lock him up, but upon seeing him, the decision was easily made. He saw the hands that had touched his heartsong and the body that had been on top of her and knew that he had to kill him.

The man awoke that moment and reached for his gun, but with one well-aimed throw with his tomahawk against the man's hand he prevented him from succeeding. The fight that had followed, was easily won by Sully and the strikes in which he'd let out his anger, had been that monster's cause of death. He'd buried him, knowing that even this creature didn't deserve to be eaten by wild animals and raptors.

* * *

After managing to stop crying and drink a few sips of the tea that Grace had brought her as a part of her breakfast, she couldn't stop worrying about Sully. Would he kill the man if he would find him? She didn't know if she wanted him to. It would be the safest; he wouldn't be able to hurt anyone again, but…

The sound of familiar footsteps in the hallway broke her train of thoughts. She lifted her head from the pillow and relief flowed through her when she saw his face. In a few steps, he was at her side and took her hand in one of his. 'I killed him,' he almost whispered and his voice told her that they were both having the same battle. She held out her arm, wanting to feel him closer and he did as she wordlessly asked. His cheek pressed against hers, their hands still entwined, it almost seemed that everything was alright, but they both knew it wasn't and never would be.

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_School has started again, so I think I will continue updating once a week._

_Thanks again for your reviews, I appreciate them!_


	4. Chapter 4

It had been two weeks since the attack and Sully was worried. Michaela was behaving strangely; she acted like nothing had ever happened and when he tried to talk to her she would dismiss him and say that she was fine. She wasn't fine and she was getting worse every day.

They'd decided that they wouldn't tell anyone about what had happened besides Loren, Dorothy, Robert E. and Grace. Michaela didn't want the town to become suspicious, so after resting for just a day she'd resumed her duties. Sully had stayed close, in case something would happen to her, but so far, everything went well. Or so it seemed.

Now he was on his way to the homestead to accompany Michaela and the kids to town. When he arrived, he was surprised to see Colleen and Brian running towards him.

'Sully! It's ma! She's been crying ever since breakfast!' He rested his hands on both of their heads for a moment, worry evident in his face. 'Why don't you help your brother with the wagon,' he gently said to them.

After opening the door and closing it behind him, he looked at her closely. She was crying, but she didn't look sad or afraid. He sat down next to her on the bed and kissed her temple, while wrapping his arm around her.

'Michaela?' he spoke gently. She just buried her head in the material of his shirt and it made him wondering even more what was going on. He placed his hands on her shoulders and carefully pulled her out of their embrace. 'What's wrong?' After allowing him to wipe her tears away, she whispered: 'I'm not pregnant.'

He pulled her close against him once more, a small smile of gratitude crossing his lips. He rubbed her lower back, knowing that she could be sore there during her monthly.

After a few minutes of gently rocking back and forth, he softly asked: 'You okay?' She sniffled, nodded and then said: 'I've just been worrying about it ever since…Well, you know since when and the relief of knowing that I'm not with child was so great…' He nodded in understanding, before she continued: '…and it brought back memories that I don't want to remember.' After a few moments of silence, she added: 'What am I going to do? I can't live like this.'

Sully carefully phrased his answer: 'I know what that man has done to you and I know the effect it has on you and I know that you can't help but think about it every moment of the day. But in time, you will be able to think of other things, to laugh with the kids and to enjoy life again, I promise. And I also promise that I will do everything in my power to help you with that.' With that, he bent forward and sweetly kissed her.

'You know what I think? I think you should marry me.' He had meant his remark as a light hearted one, but when he felt her tense, he pulled back to look her in the eyes. 'I've been worrying about how to say this to you,' she began and he could see her swallowing hard. 'It's just that, when we get married, I am not sure if I'm going to be able to, you know, share a bed with you.' Her cheeks were flushed with embarrassment.

He enfolded her in his arms to silence her and then tried to lessen her worries. 'I'm not marrying you for that. I want to marry you because you're the woman I love and I want to share my life with you. I want to raise our family together and I want to start every day with one of your kisses. And I certainly don't want you to worry about a thing, okay?' She nodded and held on to him tightly. He pressed his lips on her hair for a moment, before saying: 'The kids are worried about you. I'll go tell them that you're alright.'

When he stepped on the porch, three pairs of worried eyes met his. 'She's fine,' was all he said, knowing that Brian shouldn't know the details. 'Brian, why don't you go in and give your ma a hug. I think she could use one.' The little boy immediately obeyed and after he'd gone inside, Sully softly said: 'She found out that she wasn't pregnant this morning.' 'Is she really alright now?' Matthew worriedly asked and Sully was glad to see how much he cared. 'Yes, I think so, although she still has a long way to go from here.'

He didn't get a chance to say any more, because Michaela and Brian emerged from the house, ready to leave. Sully lifted Brian on the wagon and then held out his hand for his fiancée. She gave him a small smile, and he smiled as well. He sat extra close to her this morning as he drove his family to town.

* * *

_I know that it's a short chapter, but I didn't want to keep you guys waiting any longer!_

_Please review!_


	5. Chapter 5

Another few weeks had gone by and Michaela couldn't help but notice how Sully had been right when he'd said to her that in time, she would be able to think of good things.

The wedding was getting closer and while she was nervous about a lot of things, she also looked forward to it. Dorothy, along with some of the other women, had started on her dress and Michaela was very pleased with how it was coming along.

There were things that worried her though, like the fact that her mother hadn't responded to her letter in which she'd asked her to come to the wedding. She knew that her mother wasn't as fond of Sully as she had been of David and that she disapproved with her decision to marry him, but it still hurt. She didn't want Sully to be bothered by that so she hadn't told him about it. After all, he had his own share of worries about Cloud Dancing.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a firm knock on the door of the clinic. 'Come in,' she immediately called.

She was surprised to see Hank, his hand covered with a bloody towel. 'Hank! What happened?' 'I cut my hand with a broken glass, that's what happened,' he answered dryly. 'Can you fix it or not?' 'Certainly, come on in and sit on the examination table.'

He did as she'd said and when she started looking for some suture thread, he asked her, his eyebrows raised: 'So, how are the wedding preparations coming along?' Trying not to act surprised about his question, she responded: 'Things are developing quite nicely, thank you.' 'Figured as much,' he mumbled. 'The wedding of the doc from Boston must be perfect,' he added with a touch of sarcasm.

Deciding not to respond to his remark but to concentrate on the task at hand, she removed the bloody cloth and started cleaning the wound. He winced slightly, but he didn't move. She carefully stitched the cut and wrapped a bandage around Hank's hand.

'Thanks,' he said, almost whispered, as if he knew that his earlier remark had upset her. She swallowed hard en tried to prevent herself from crying. He cleared his throat and his unusual moment of weakness passed. 'How much do I owe you?' She shook her head, indicating that he didn't have to give her anything.

When he was gone, she sat behind her desk, buried her head in her hands and cried.

* * *

The kids had gone to bed right after supper, so he and Michaela had done the dishes and now he was waiting for her on the porch to drink a cup of tea.

He was worried about her, she seemed depressed and didn't want to talk to him. Things had gone so well these last few weeks and he'd started to believe that everything would be fine again real soon, but tonight she'd been distant and quiet.

He heard the door open and looked up. Michaela sat down next to him and handed him one of the cups she was holding. 'Thanks,' he said simply, while taking hold of her free hand. She smiled softly when he kissed the engagement ring on her finger and pulled their joined hands in his lap.

He gently approached the subject on both of their minds: 'Do you want to tell me what's been bothering you?' She swallowed hard and tears filled her eyes. Sully quickly placed his cup of tea next to him and wrapped his arms around her. 'It's okay,' he whispered, hugging her close against him. He could feel her tears wetting his shirt.

'Mother doesn't want me to marry you,' she started, but he sensed that there was more, so he didn't interrupt her, but rubbed her back instead.

'And then Hank…,' her tears prevented her from saying anything else and Sully felt himself becoming angry with the barkeeper for upsetting his heartsong, but decided not to show it, because he didn't want to frighten her.

'Hank said something about… about how our wedding must be perfect, but… his remark made me realize that… that it could never be perfect anymore, because of… of him,' she blurted, her words accompanied by hiccups and sobs.

Sully felt like his heart was broken into two pieces and he realized how close they were connected after three years of courting. Her joy had made him happy and now, her sadness was his sadness.

'Darling,' he began, using a word that he hadn't used since he'd lost Abigail, 'I'm glad you told me what was on your mind, because things seem bigger when you keep them to yourself. I understand it hurts you when your ma won't come to our wedding, but you have to admit that in their eyes, I'm not the most suitable husband for you.'

'But I want them to know how much I love you!' she cried in frustration. He pulled back from their hug. 'I know how much. And they'll know in time,' he spoke gently.

He wiped her tears away before continuing: 'And about Hank, he's just jealous of us and doesn't know what happened to you. And there's no reason why our wedding day can't be perfect, is there?' His eyebrows rose when he spoke the last two words.

She shifted uncomfortably and he could see her cheeks colour. He wanted to speak with her openly about the subject, but he knew that it would only add to her discomfort. 'Don't worry about it, I already told you that. Things are going to work out, trust me.'

Placing two fingers under her chin, he forced her to look at him. She nodded bravely and then said: 'I must be a horrible fiancée to you. All I do is cry and worry. I haven't even asked you about Cloud Dancing yet and…'

Not wanting her to add him to her list of worries, he quickly interrupted her: 'I'll go look for him next week, if that's alright with you.' 'Yes, of course, you must do whatever is in your power to have him at our wedding.' He nodded in silent agreement and drank his cup of tea.

When it was time for him to leave, he stood up. She followed his example and he placed his hand around her waist to pull her closer to him. Their lips touched and the sweet and loving kiss made them both weak in the knees. It was the first passionate kiss that they'd shared since the attack and it brightened Sully's heart.

* * *

_I'm so sorry, because it's been like forever since I've updated. I've just been very busy and out of inspiration. I'll have a holiday this week, so I hope I'll have time to update another chapter._

_Thank you for the positive reactions, they keep me going!_


	6. Chapter 6

Today was the day Colorado Springs had been waiting for: the grand opening of their very own train station! The town had been decorated festively and now everyone was waiting for the first train to arrive. Michaela tried to put a smile on her face and she was in truth happy about the train station, but she couldn't help but think about her approaching wedding and her family not being there.

The train came gliding into the station and everyone cheered and applauded. Jake held a short speech, in which welcoming the train in Colorado Springs. Then he climbed the few steps leading to the door of the train. The last thing Michaela expected was her mother and two of her sisters stepping through it! Her mouth fell open and then she couldn't help but smile. Her mother smiled back at her and her sisters waved enthusiastically when they saw her.

Michaela, although thrilled, felt a little uncomfortable about Sully not being at her side and what her mother might think of that, but she decided to leave it be and stepped forward to briefly hug her mother.

'Michaela,' her mother said and she was pleasantly surprised at the warm and loving tone her mother's voice held. Rebecca stepped forward to give her a hug while Elizabeth greeted the children. Michaela stifled a smile when she saw Marjorie look at the surroundings with her nose wrinkled, before pulling herself together and stepping of the train with her skirts lifted high. 'Marjorie, glad to see you too.' Her sister smiled briefly and they offered each other a kiss on the cheek.

* * *

'I'm sorry about all this, Sully,' she spoke softly after they'd stepped outside to share a short moment of privacy, before Sully would bring her mother and sisters back to town to spend the night at the clinic. During supper, her mother had made clear that the wedding would be arranged by her from now on, without even considering the plans that Michaela and the other women in town had already made.

'That's alright,' he responded to her apology. 'I know how happy you are to have them here. We'll just have to make the most of it.' She nodded and said. 'I want you to know that I'm not on their side in this matter, but I don't want to argue with them while they're here.' 'I know,' was all he said before pulling her to him and offering his lips for a soft kiss. 'Only one week left,' he whispered huskily. 'I can hardly wait.' He kissed her a second time and deepened it this time. She could feel his body reacting to their kiss and closeness, but was no longer frightened by it. She knew that she could trust Sully with her life and that he would never do something to hurt her.

After the kiss ended, they just stood locked in an embrace for a while. She'd grown to love his steady heartbeat and the warmth that radiated from his strong body. She wondered if he felt the same and blushed at her thoughts. He pulled back and opened his mouth to say something, but then he saw the redness of her cheeks. He grinned and cupped her them in his large hands. 'Where did these come from?' he whispered teasingly. 'I…it's just that...,' she stammered and he began to laugh. He bend his head to position his mouth near her ear and whispered: 'I like how you feel too.' She blushed a darker shade and smiled when he tenderly placed his lips on her temple.

* * *

_I know that this is just a short chapter, but I've been out of inspiration lately and didn't want to keep you guys waiting any longer._

_I have some things in mind for this story, but any suggestions would be more than welcome!_


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